Funny Stuff

Cross-examination

Counsel: The cross-examination did not seem to worry you at all. Have you had any previous experience?

Client: Three wives.

Post Scriptum

When the man came home, his wife was crying.

"Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

"My mother?  How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked.

"I know.  But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter it was written:

PS.  Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

True Love?

The millionaire, examining a prospective son-in-law, demanded:

"Would you love my daughter just as much if she were poor?"

"Yes, of course, sir."

"Then you can't have her. We don't want any idiots in this family."

Confession

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest,"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody."

Are We Even?

Early in the morning the housewives of two neighboring houses met each other and chatted. One asked another:

- You know, dear, I'm worried about you. Is everything okay with you or are you feeling not that good? I am wondering as I have seen the doctor left your house at 2AM in the morning yesterday.

- Why, dear, I don't shout that a war has started to the whole neighborhood only because the colonel has been leaving your house every morning!

Crocodiles Against Mother-in-law

Telephone rings in a house.  A man picks up the phone. The agitated voice on the other end began to shout something about a terrible accident.

- Wait a moment, slow down, please, - the man said, - I can't get a thing what you are talking about.

The person on the other end of the line calmed a little and began again. Finally the man got it that it is the director of the local zoo who is calling him and with certain apprehension it dawned on him that his wife and mother-in-law were supposed to visit the zoo this same morning.

- So, what have happened? - the man asked.

- But I am telling you the last ten minutes already! - the zoo director yelled in frustration, - It was the terrible accident! Your mother-in-law fell into the crocodile pool!

- Oh, yeah?! - now the man yelled back, - They are your crocodiles! So YOU save them!

The usual stuff, really...

Nancy is in bed with her lover, Bill, who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is Nancy's house, she picks up the receiver. Bill looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of a quite cheery conversation...

"Hello?" says Nancy. "Oh,hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye."

As she hangs up the phone, Bill asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," Nancy smiles, "that was just my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."